Shelter
by TheOceanBreathesSalty
Summary: Because you're Rachel Berry, and even though you forgot for a while, you're going to remember how to be yourself again. Rachel POV. Mentioned Finchel and potential Evanberry. Raine friendship.
1. Shelter

_i find shelter in this way  
>under cover, hide away<br>can you hear when i say  
>i have never felt this way<br>maybe i had said something that was wrong  
>can i make it better with the lights turned on<br>maybe i had said something that was wrong  
><em>_can i make it better with the lights turned on  
>could i be, was i there<br>i still want to drown whenever you leave  
>please teach me gently how to breathe<em>

**_~shelter. by birdy (cover of the xx version). _**

* * *

><p>(R A C H E L pov)<p>

So, here's the thing.

Junior year was _good_.

Sure, there were some issues. Finn and you went through a break-up, you lost a few solos, and Santana and Quinn still tried their hardest to ruin your life. But it was, for the most part, still the best year of your life. There were no slushies, you were friends with Kurt and Puck and Mercedes and you met Blaine and he became your friend too. Although you went through several rough patches with Finn, it still worked out for the best and he _loved_ you. The Glee club even gave you a _trophy_.

You had never felt so accepted.

But things were starting to regress.

It felt kind of like there was some random entity out in the world that had a remote control with absolute power over your life, and he decided to press the rewind button.

And things were starting to spiral out of control.

* * *

><p>Kurt was angry at you, Puck was too busy with Beth and Shelby and Quinn to hang out with you, Mercedes left the group because she thought that you were getting all the solos again.<p>

And you don't understand.

Mercedes was the _one_ person that you would have willingly shared a part with, the only other singer that you would have allowed to share in your spotlight. Kurt was just as ambitious as you were, so how could he not understand that you had to, at the very least, _try_ anything and everything to get out of this freaking town?

Finn is the only good thing in your life now, and even he's not enough anymore.

Then, one day, you _shatter_.

Everything goes wrong in a span of six hours and you can't handle it. You overhear Noah hitting on _Shelby_ of all people, see Finn laughing with Santana and Brittany in the hall. Quinn calls you Manhands when you accidentally walk into her in the hallway and Mercedes and Kurt leave the table when you sit down for lunch. Your fathers are out of town and Blaine can't talk to you because he wants to spend time with Kurt and Mr. Schuster just took away the only solo you had had for three weeks.

And you completely lose it.

You stand up in the middle of Glee, in the middle of the new boy's song, and just walk out the door.

There are voices calling you back, yelling after you, but you pay them no attention and just keep walking, walking, walking, until you're outside.

It's _pouring_ and you're drenched within seconds and you can't tell if the water on your cheeks is rain or tears.

That's where Sam finds you.

He's carrying a bright red umbrella, your favorite color, and he's smiling so bright it's almost like the sun is actually out. His grin dims the closer he gets to you, fading away until a frown is pulling at the edges of his mouth and there's a worried furrow in between his eyebrows.

He walks until he's only an inch away from you, covering you with the umbrella and standing so close that you can feel his body heat. You lean forward unconsciously, so cold that your teeth are chattering.

You hadn't realized how freezing you were until you felt his warmth.

"Rachel?" his voice is a low murmur and you couldn't remember if you had noticed the timber previously, if you had liked the way his low voice thrums through you quite this much before.

"Hello, Samuel," you reply, your once strident voice now almost silent.

He wraps an arm around you unquestioningly and leads you inside, into the empty auditorium.

You pull off your sweater and drop it on the floor, replacing it with the one that Sam offered you.

"Why are you here?" you finally ask, your voice a little louder.

He's still just looking at you, noticing your red-rimmed eyes and the way you've lost weight from all the stress and the bags that are under your eyes from not getting enough sleep. "My dad's job didn't work out," he finally responds, his warm eyes meeting yours, "so we moved back here because my mom knew how much I missed all my friends. How are you?"

You feel like crying again at the question, but instead you take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're _Rachel Berry_ and you've never broken before so you have no reason to now. You muster a small smile and start to catch him up.

"So, Mercedes and Santana have left the group? And they took Brittany too? And your real mother is back? And Quinn wants her kid back?" he's blinking in shock, his lips twisted in confusion. "And Kurt's mad at you and Burt's running against Sue and there's an Irish kid in Glee now? I was only gone for a couple weeks! How did I miss all of this?"

You laugh and answer all his questions, feeling lighter than you have in ages.

* * *

><p>You'd never really noticed it before, but Sam had always been the kindest boy in Glee.<p>

* * *

><p>The two of you hear the stage doors opening and glance at each other in a moment of perfect clarity. Then the two of you are sprinting towards the door, giggles bubbling up your throat and spilling out of your mouth before you can stop them. Somehow along the way, he's wrapped your hand in his and this feels like <em>something<em> good. Like friendship or companionship or maybe this was how it felt at the beginning with Finn.

Before everything, you remember how it was with Finn. It was laughter and butterflies and sparks, it was denial because he was with Quinn, desire because he could sing like no boy you had ever heard before.

It was _easy_, before he went back to Quinn, before she was pregnant, before it was Puck's baby and not Finn's. There was a very, very small amount of time in which things were simple.

But that was the greatest feeling in your life.

It felt kind of like hope.

It felt kind of like this moment with Sam.

Like when you sing a song without any mistakes, like when you see someone amazing in a broadway play, like it's the closest to perfect that you'll ever be.

And all you've ever wanted to be is perfect.

So Sam drives you home and you spend the night watching movies and telling jokes until Finn comes over, startling at the sight of Sam.

"Evans? What're you doing here?" he doesn't sound threatening, but he does sound suspicious and you really can't blame him.

After all, he stole Sam's girlfriend.

So there's probably nothing stopping Sam from stealing his.

"Moved back to Lima. How's it going?" Sam retorts, not moving from his relaxed position on the couch next to you.

Finn just blinks.

* * *

><p>AN: So, this formatting is crazy weird guys, like I have no idea how this is actually going to turn out. I think my computer is rebelling because it's been so long since I wrote anything. But anyways. Hopefully this is all right, and you will let me know what you think. I'm planning on a twoshot right now, but if there's a good enough response I might make it a longer story. Also, cast your vote for Sam or Finn! Once again, sorry about the terrible formatting and thank you for reading!

Sorry for the fact that you've gotten this email three times. I had to do some crazy stuff to get my formatting to work. Sorrysorrysorry! One for each notification you've received.

Please still review and let me know what you think about more chapters or if you'd rather just have it be a two shot and which boy you're wanting Rachel to end up with!


	2. That Power

_this isn't a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad,_  
><em>this is a story about how i learned something<em>  
><em>and i'm not saying this thing is true or not, i'm just saying it's what i learned<br>__i told you something  
><em>_it was just for you and you told everybody  
><em>_so i learned to cut out the middle man, make it all for everybody, always  
><em>_everybody can't turn around and tell everybody, everybody already knows, i told them  
><em>_but this means there isn't a place in my life for you or someone like you  
>is it sad? sure<br>__but it's a sadness i chose._

_**~that power. childish gambino.** _

* * *

><p>(r a c h e l P O V)<p>

See, the thing is, you aren't really sure if you're in love with Finn anymore.

You don't know if you're still _in love_ with the tall boy or if there's nothing left in your feelings but remenants of a first love. You are, of course, still very fond of him.

But do you love him?

At the beginning, when you first met him, it was like you were hyper aware of everything he did. You _swear_ that you could feel him the moment that he came into a room, you knew his mannerisms and which cologne he wore and all his favorite things. You knew him. You loved him.

You don't know him like that anymore.

Of course, you still know some things about him, but it's more because you're an observant individual who takes the time to notice things. It's not because you have some super Finn-sense, not like you used to.

And the more you think about it, the more it feels like you've fallen out of love with Finn Hudson.

You go to school in a daze on Monday, running memory after memory in your mind, trying to figure out when Finn stopped being the most important person in your life, when you stopped thinking that he was all you'd ever want or need.

You glance in your rearview mirror before you leave the car, the glimmer of a gold star on your collarbone reminding you that you'd loved Finn with all your heart, and he had loved you in return.

But things had changed.

You weren't the same Rachel Berry that you were sophomore year, even if it was beginning to feel that way as the Glee Club slowly began to hate you once more.

The simple fact was that you weren't the same.

And you didn't love Finn in the same way anymore.

You slowly exit your car, still running various scenarios through your mind and trying to decide what you wanted to do.

Even if you weren't completely in love with Finn anymore, did you really want to break up with him? It may have been terribly selfish of you, but you couldn't stand the idea of being completely alone again, and you would rather be with Finn than with no one.

But as you step from your car, a smiling blonde boy approaches you, eyes bright and mouth stretched into a wide grin.

"Rae!" he exclaims, slipping an arm over your shoulders and pulling you toward the school.

You smile up at Sam in return, lifting one hand to slip it through his newly shortened locks. "You cut your hair! I like it, it suits you quite nicely," you respond, skipping all pleasantries.

He laughs. "Yeah? I thought it was a time for something new. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of change sometimes, you know?" he doesn't wait for a response, instead beginning to talk about a new movie he had seen that he thought you would like.

You walk into school with Sam by your side thinking that, no, there really wasn't anything wrong with change.

* * *

><p>When you get to your locker, Sam leaves to go to his own, departing with a smile and announcing that he would see you in third period. An answering grin lights your face for a moment before you turn back to your locker and see all the Finn things you have there. Your smile fades.<p>

"Rach!" you hear, automatically turning towards your boyfriend's voice and tearing your gaze away from the picture of you and Finn at the bowling alley.

An icy drink is thrown in your face and you gasp as slushy slips down your cheeks.

You blink corn syrup out of your eyes, pretending that the tears are from the sting of the icy beverage. Finn's jealous and slightly regretful eyes look at you from behind Amizio, who was the one to throw the slushy.

But Finn was the one to call your name.

It's the first slushy that's been thrown all year.

The pain in your chest is so harsh that you feel like you can't breathe.

* * *

><p>There's stark silence all around you, the only sound you can hear your heartbeat echoing in your ears. It thuds in time with your pulse, too fast and too hard. Kurt and Blaine are staring at you from the end of the hall, Kurt frozen in shock and Blaine torn between anger at Finn and horror for you. Blaine moves first, ripping his hand from Kurt's and striding down the hallway, throwing his shoulder into Finn as he walks by.<p>

He gently twines his fingers around yours and pulls you down the hallway, his free hand swinging your bag onto his back as he walks.

You realize that he's whispering after you reach the bathroom, _breathebreathebreathe, Rae, come on, breathe_ being repeated over and over. You take a gasping breath, your lungs so deprived of air that you choke for a few seconds before you can properly inhale and exhale one more.

Blaine is gently tipping you backwards over the sink, whispering that you should close your eyes as he turns on the water. You feel another set of hands join his while he is washing you hair and hum gently at the familiar scent of Kurt's cologne.

His eyes are apologetic when they meet yours, but you just shake your head and gently slip off your stained sweater, throwing it in the trash and putting on Blaine's button up shirt that he's holding out for you.

You'd long since stopped bringing extra clothes to school.

It had been months since anyone had been slushied, after all.

Kurt opens his mouth to say something, but you slip from the room after pressing a gentle kiss to Blaine's cheek.

You know that it isn't exactly fair, but he had hurt you, and you didn't feel like listening to his apologies right now. You didn't feel like doing anything right now.

* * *

><p>You sit in the auditorium for the next two periods, standing up just as the bell rings for English, third period. You stride from the room, your steps sure and confident even though you're dressed in Blaine's shirt and there is still a bit of red slushy stain on your skirt.<p>

You walk up to Finn in the hallway and stand silently as you wait for him to notice you. Eventually he turns and sees you, your name forming silently on his lips, excuses swimming behind his eyes.

A wave of anger suddenly swamps you. Yes, you had just decided that you didn't love him anymore, and yes, you were thinking about Sam in a more romantic light. But what he just did, helping someone slushy you, was completely unforgivable. He had tainted whatever love you had left for him, warped all your happy memories of time with him into something painful and better forgotten than remembered. You right hand grips the golden star resting on your neck and yanks, the sting from the clasp breaking against your neck barely felt.

You drop the necklace at his feet and turn around, walking towards your locker so you can get your books for next class.

You're _Rachel Berry_.

And you may have grown since sophomore year, may have become more accepting and less of a diva. You had become kinder, better at being a team player, but one thing had not changed.

You did not allow others to walk all over you, you did not allow others to get to you, to hurt you.

And Finn Hudson would not break you.

You get your books from your locker and walk off to English to meet Sam, dropping the picture of Finn and you in the trash as you walk by it.

Things weren't meant to be like this.

But you wouldn't let the unexpected derail your life.

You are Rachel Berry, a future star on Broadway, an amazing singer, and a good person.

And, as always, you persevere.

* * *

><p>Okay, so, one. I'm terribly sorry for how long this has taken. College apparently kills my writing spirit.<p>

I hope that you guys liked it okay, I'm planning on two more chapters. Next chapter, we'll find out why Finn acted the way that he did (AKA what happened at Rachel's house between him and Sam) and then the final chapter I have yet to decide on, actually. I can't decide if Rachel should end up single or with Sam. Votes? Opinions?

Drop a review and let me know.

As always, I own nothing, and I thank you for reading.


	3. URA Fever

_take you to a jukebox  
>that's the situation<br>pick you out a number  
>that's our arrangement<br>dancing on the legs of a new born pony  
>left right, left right, keep it up son<br>go ahead and have her, go ahead and leave her  
>you only ever had her when you were a fever<br>i am a fever, i am a fever  
>i ain't born typical<br>i am a fever, i am a fever  
>i ain't born typical<em>

_**~u.r.a. fever. the kills.** _

* * *

><p>(r a c h e l P O V)<p>

You're not trying to deny the fact that you love Finn.

It's not like your entire relationship had been horrible, or all he did was lie and berate you. Certainly, he made some mistakes, but then again, you did too.

But the thing that finally convinced you to break up with Finn Hudson, the moment that you finally realized that the relationship wasn't healthy for to be in, was during the confrontation that Sam and Finn had at your home.

* * *

><p>"<em>Evans, what're you doing here?" Finn asks, his voice lower than usual with suspicion.<em>

_Sam just grins brighter than the sun, his arm that's resting on the back of the couch slipping casually down to wrap around your shoulders. "Moved back to Lima. How's it going?" he replies._

_Finn blinks and stares at his arm, notices the fact that you don't move away, and immediately moves further into the room, jaw clenching._

"_Well it was better before I came over to my girlfriend's house to find out why she wasn't at Glee and found her cuddling with another guy," he spits out, his long limbs growing tense with frustration and the beginnings of rage._

_You don't remember Finn ever having such a quick temper, not since you got back together this last time._

_It's not a quality that you find appealing._

"_We're not __**cuddling**__," snaps out of your mouth without conscious decision, and his eyes narrow even further. You take a breath and open your mouth to attempt to say something calmer, something to attempt to prevent the fight that you know is coming, when Sam speaks._

"_Look, dude, you need to calm your shit. Like, I'm sitting on the couch with Rachel because I moved back to town and she's the first friend that I saw, so I wanted to catch up for a while. It's not like I'm gonna give her mono or anything," he's practically hissing by the end, standing from the couch and meeting Finn's furious stance. He's shorter but has better muscles, and you have this insane moment where you wonder which boy would win in a fight._

"_Look, just stay away from __**my**__ girlfriend, okay? You aren't her friend! It's not like she has any of those these days anyways!" as soon as the words slip out, you can see that he didn't mean to say them. You have this terrible suspicion that he meant them, but he didn't want to say them at the very least._

_Your breath leaves your lungs in a gasp that's entirely too real._

_Sam's eyes grow dark with anger and you fleetingly think that he would definitely win the fight, before he's speaking, shoving Finn back towards the door. "I don't know what it is about this club, but all the people in it seem to have this weird disease where they are incapable of seeing Rachel for how amazing she truly is. It took me losing my house and moving to realize it, but she doesn't deserve all the shit she's put through here! She's never cruel like Santana or Quinn; never greedy like Mercedes or indifferent like Tina. I'm not saying that she's perfect, but as her __**boyfriend**__ you sure as fuck better think that she deserves more than what she's getting!"_

_Finn is already in the doorway by Sam's last shouted word, his own mouth opening in an attempt to respond and gain back some of the ground he lost._

_You speak before he can._

"_Finn. I apologize, but I don't want to fight with you right now. Please leave," the words are quiet but audible, and you meet his eyes from your position on the couch unflinchingly._

"_Oh, but __**he**__ gets to stay?" he shouts, angry beyond belief._

_You don't respond._

_You don't want to hurt him, don't want to make him think that you're choosing Sam over him, but the fact of the matter is that besides Noah and Blaine, Sam is the first person who has ever taken the time to defend you._

_So, no._

_You aren't going to kick him out of your house._

_Finn seems to find his answer in your silence, slamming the door on his way out and screaming "THIS ISN'T OVER, EVANS!" over his shoulder as he goes._

_Tears start to fall down your face again, and this time there's no rain to mask them._

_You curl around Sam when he sits back down next to you and simply breathe for a while, slow tears sliding down your cheeks silently._

_Sam breathes with you._

_You stay that way until your dads get home._

* * *

><p>See, the thing that happened when Sam was yelling is that you had this sudden memory, this flashback to your sophomore year.<p>

You're standing in the hallway in front of Finn, and your telling him that without a doubt, your dreams are more important that _him_, that they're more important than anything.

And you can't stop wondering where that girl went.

You think that she's starting to make a reappearance, beginning with the lack of heavy gold around your neck and continuing on with the fact that you will no longer be sitting back passively in Glee while Mr. Schuster refuses to make any plans because he's too busy with his own drama.

You'll find Rachel Berry again, even if it takes a little time.

* * *

><p>You're not looking forward to Glee and, for the first time ever, you debate skipping the club altogether. Then you think about the fact that you went even when you had laryngitis because performing is all that matters, and you fix your golden Star of David necklace around your throat before heading towards the classroom.<p>

Sam meets you on the way there, a casual arm tossed across your shoulders as the two of you easily pick up the same conversation you were having at lunch until the bell rang.

You walk into the choir room together, peeling yourself away from Sam when Mike and Artie come to greet him and striding across the room to where Blaine and Kurt are sitting.

Blaine holds out a hand with a smile and you allow him to take it, following his tug until your seated on his lap with no hesitation.

"How are you, Rach?" he asks, his wonderful voice warm with affection as he playfully tugs on his borrowed shirt.

You smile, brighter than you have in a really long time, and press another gentle kiss to his cheek. "Your shirt is good luck!" you giggle, meeting Kurt's apologetic blue eyes and including him in your smile as you continue, your forgiveness unspoken but clear. "I got an A on my test in math, an A on my essay in English, they actually had a Vegan meal option today in the cafeteria, and some random football player shoved Jacob into a closet so that he could no longer attempt to unbutton my blouse!"

Blaine is smiling along with you and there is amusement in Kurt's eyes when you hear a slight growl behind you. You turn to face Sam, who's glaring and has his arms crossed tightly against his chest.

"Israel did _what_?" he hisses carefully.

You easily slip off Blaine to stand in front of him, barely noticing that his glare lessens when you rest your palm on his upper arm. "He's been trying to see my bra for a really long time, Sam. It's okay. He's never actually hurt me."

"If I see the kid within two feet of you, Rae, I'm hurting _him_. Badly," is all he says in return dropping down in a seat and pulling on your hand until you're seated between him and Blaine.

"Same goes for me, Berry," you hear from the riser behind you and you turn to see Noah, his eyes dark with threat. His eyes fall on your throat for a second, and the grin that crosses his face when he sees the Star of David is one of pure satisfaction.

You nod your acceptance of his words and turn back around, not missing the gleam of approval in his eyes.

Sam's arm is warm against your back and you're once again talking to Blaine when Finn comes in the room.

He opens his mouth to say something, but Noah quickly calls his name and pulls him into some conversation about the best video game zombie. The lack of unnecessary confrontation makes you smile and you think that once Finn cools down, things probably won't even be that uncomfortable between the two of you.

Schue finally enters the room and starts to talk about how he doesn't really have a plan, but that he thinks the club could sing The Blues or R&B.

Your hand is stretched high above your head within seconds, and determination runs through your veins like lightning.

It's not going to be easy, figuring out who you are all over again.

But being with Finn made you weak, made you a lesser version of yourself. You ahte that it took you so long to realize it, but you just weren't ready to give him up until Sam whirled back into your life and reassured you that you were more than enough, that you could do it on your own.

And you refused to allow anyone take that away from you again.

"Mr. Schuster, while I understand that The Blues are an important genre of music, I don't necessarily feel that…"

* * *

><p>So yeah, that's the end of it. I do not own Glee and U.R.A. Fever.<p>

I know that it's kind of open ended, but I don't think there's any easy answers for Rachel as a character, especially right now, and ending it this way just seems right for this particular story.

I was going to put her with Sam, because I do love them together, but I think the thing that's bothered me about her character recently is that she looses so much of herself when she's in a relationship, and I couldn't think of a way to both emphasize that and put her with Sam.

So, apologies. Maybe next oneshot.

Review even though I'm a horrible updater that took three moths to finish a three chapter long story?

Thanks so much for reading, my dears, it means a lot.


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